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Denise
Duhamel
GRACE
I
stared at the
floor, lifting
up
the
black tiles
from the white.
I could
do
that, make
flat surfaces
3-D
by crossing
my eyes. I
could
spell
anything, even
words I didn't
know
the
definitions
of--like "botulism"
and
"claustrophobic"
and "thyroid".
I'd
close my eyes
and letters
would spill
like
blocks and
I'd get everything
right
in
the spelling
bee. I'd know
the exact
ages
of people --
41, 37, 56,
24 -- people
I'd
never met,
people who
stopped by
Uncle
Albert's big
New Year's
party
where
I sat at the
card table,
beating
the
old men at
dominoes because
I could see
how
many dots were
lying face
down
so
I always grabbed
the ones I
needed.
I
understood
foreign languages,
like
French or Latin.
I'd hear my
Aunt Gigi
or
the priest
and I'd translate
like
a
pocket dictionary.
I'd add up
three
or four big
numbers in
a second
and
a nearby adult
was sure to
kiss my forehead
or
clap. I'd know
the punch line
to
jokes I was
hearing the
first time
and
nothing much
could scare
me --
not
the car that
hit me when
I was six,
my
mother and
her moods,
not
the few things
I couldn't
predict.
I
understood
something bigger
than the hums
that
filled my ears
like vacuums
or
air-conditioners.
I understood
if
things got
too bad I could
die
if
I had to, drink
some bleach
when
no one was
watching.
I
understood
there were
angels in my
thumb
prints and
sprites who
lived
in
my ear's hills
who'd whisper
all
the answers.
I was full
of confidence
and will
as
I plunged my
hand into the
cookie tin
filled
with buttons
and the first
one
I
grabbed was
the same size
as
the one that
needed replacing.
I
mean, that's
just how I
lived
until
one New Year's
I guessed
a
29-year-old-woman
was fifty.
Her
blue cat's-eye
glasses threw
me
and
everyone laughed
except the
woman.
They
laughed right
over my begging
for
a second chance.
I fell
like
a shooting
star in slow
motion,
one
everyone gets
to see and
is
therefore
unremarkable.
The next week
I
spelled dessert
"desert"
on a spelling
bee.
Suddenly,
ordinary.
GRACE
appeared in
"The Star-Spangled
Banner"
(Southern Illinois
University
Press, 1999)
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